As a proud member of our world, I have dutifully looked through all 195 flags, and decided on the best-looking 20 of them. I've also made a decision on which is undoubtedly the ugliest flag in the world.
First, here are the best-looking flags, from the best to the 20th best...
01. United States
The obvious choice as Americans have the best of everything, namely because we stole all the best ideas from all the immigrants who came here, including my own family. 'Merica, baby!
Now, before we go any further, let me just state that I ain't a vexillologist, and I therefore don't know what too many flags' symbolisms mean. This article is mostly just for fun.
02. Angola
Look at that beautiful flag! It's like a middle finger to communism. How punk rock is that?! I'm guessing Angola's a country that has suffered a lot of bloodshed to gain their independence?
03. Mexico
I've been to Mexico 35 times in my life. Never once did I take a close enough look at their flag to notice that it features a Golden Eagle standing on a cactus killing a rattlesnake. But then I took one too many tequila shots, passed out on top of it, and well, the rest is history!
04. United Kingdom
Speaking of punk rock, which flag has been featured on more punk rock albums than the “Union Jack?” God save the Queen, and her equally classy- and aggressive-looking flag!
05. Egypt
Something about those dark red, white and black horizontal stripes mixed in with that gold eagle emblem in the middle just speaks of authenticity to me. If I ever create a flag, I'd definitely want it to be this official looking.
06. Spain
Columns + crown + lion + castle = majestic things that apparently go well together on an orange and yellow flag. Nicely done, motherland!
07. Kenya
You may have heard that Africa ain't full of tribal “savages” any longer, but you wouldn't be able to tell that from Kenya's flag, which right smack in the middle, displays Kamala's shield protecting Kim Chee's spears, basically.
08. Albania
What do Mother Teresa, Eliza Dushku, Rita Ora, Dua Lipa and Bebe Rexha all have in common? They all, at least in ancestry, represent Albania's flag... with its ominous double-headed shadow eagle, a.k.a. the thing of nightmares.
09. Canada
Our friendly neighbors to the north love putting maple leafs on everything from their Toronto-based professional hockey team to the center of their flag. We down here in America would prefer to put AR-15s on ours, but that's why we ain't known as their friendly neighbors to the south, now ain't it?
10. Vanuatu
I can't tell if that's a snail, a cornucopia or a French horn in the hoist of that flag, but considering the wheat bushels within it, I'm going to go with the middle option. I never knew Vanuatu was such a bountiful island nation for the pacific, but now I know they have a cool flag at least!
11. Libya
By making me think of African watering holes and peaceful safaris under the desert stars, this flag relaxes me, but knowing the history of Libya – Gaddafi, Khalifa, and all those other military personsalities – something tells me this flag breeds horror in most of the people who live there.
12. Brazil
Rio recently hosted the Olympics, but in case you can't tell from their flag, Brazil would someday love to host the entire world. If the Olympics taught us anything, though, it's that their flag's promise of “order and progress” is still a far way's away. Still, it is a beautiful promising flag!
13. Japan
Some people love the Japanese flag, some people hate it, but everybody recognizes that red dot with its white background when they see it. To them, the red dot represents the rising sun, but to me, it represents Yoshi getting a lot of credit for essentially doing the bare minimum... and that's why I like it. (Honorable mention to Bangladesh, too, for the same reason!)
14. Malawi
Does Eastern Africa really have red sunrises? If so, that's a heck of a lot of bloodshed going on over there. The sun ain't supposed to be that crimson, y'all. Either way, your flag is super cool!
15. Dominica
For those of you who think I misspelled that, I did not. Dominica is a relatively peaceful mountainous Caribbean island nation with natural hot springs and tropical rainforests, whereas the Dominican Republic is a country with a new “dead American” news story every day. Not exactly the same thing! Same goes for their flag: Dominica's is a calming green fabric with a cute little bird in the middle, whereas the D.R.'s flag is a tacky red and blue (and some white) mess of a thing.
16. Finland
A blue Nordic cross representing Christianity adorns a white landscape in this very simple, and simultaneously very effective, flag. Whoever Finnish'ed this one has got my approval.
17. Kiribati
Not sure where this place is, but judging from its flag, I'm assuming it's an island somewhere in paradise? If you can't make it out to the beach today to watch the sun rise, then do the next best thing – pull up a photo of this country's flag.
18. Estonia
Sometimes, blue, black and white stripes are all it takes to impress me. What can I say? I'm a simple man who likes power colors, and nothing screams more of power than mixing these three colors together.
19. South Korea
I see a yin-yang symbol in the middle, which of course represents the ebb and flow of life, a connection between what's gone and what remains, surrounded by a bunch of black markers, which I can only assume means what degree of black belt South Korea is this week. I'll now know who to call if I get into some trouble!
20. Switzerland
How can you not love a country whose flag symbol reminds you of hospitals and the safety they provide? Additionally, how can you not love a country whose entire tool set you can carry in your pocket? Exactly, it's impossible not to love that tiny Alpine nation of Switzerland, and that's why I will not remain neutral about how much I like their flag!
… and then, there's the world's 195th-ranked flag – in other words, the ugliest of the ugly! – drum roll please ...
195. Belize
What the hell is going on with this flag?! I see a tree, circling leaves, a boat, oars, saws, axes, two brown men (one lighter, one darker), some Latin script, a lot of blue, a little red – is all this stuff supposed to represent something, or did y'all just have a collective aneurysm when deciding amongst all these various objects, and therefore all were submitted as one? Not sure, but this thing is a mess that should really be re-done, and soon!
I've been to Belize before, and what I mostly remember taking from there was that they worship several Gods, such as the sun and moon gods, and that they apparently used to sacrifice people there, as they had sacrificial alters on some of their Mayan temples, but I never knew they had also sacrificed the person who was supposed to submit their flag. I'm guessing that's what happened here?
That'd be the only logical explanation I can think of for getting stuck with such a fugly flag.
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