States with the Rudest Drivers

Some people call them our nation's "rudest drivers." I just call them the "interesting ones." Frankly, if it weren't for these people, would driving on our roadways really be as fun? You know you like them, don't deny it. After all, they're the ones who turn even the most humdrum of voyages into an adventure!

I am a little disappointed, though. "Why?" you ask. Simple: My home state's not listed on here anymore.

For four straight years at one point, and seven years in a nine-year stretch, my state owned this list. We were tops on it, year in and year out. Now, we're nowhere to be found?! I mean, seriously, I still drive on our streets, and nothing's really gotten any better out there, so what's happened? Did all these other states suddenly just get a lot more "exciting" or something?! Either way, we'd better adjust and step-up our game road rage, oh blessed state of mine, or we may be deemed a "nice state" soon. We wouldn't want that now, would we?

My girlfriend's state did get a mention, though. In fact, her birth city was mentioned. She must be so darn proud!

Obviously, I'm kidding here. It sucks to be on this list, and I thank my state for finally getting us off it.

To the rest of y'all still on it, check out where exactly you fall by clicking on this here link.

Paraprosdokians

Paraprosdokians: Figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected, and frequently humorous. Apparently, Winston Churchill used to love them.

01. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
02. The last thing I want to do is hurt you, but it's still on my list.
03. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
04. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
05. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
06. War does not determine who is right, only who is left.
07. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
08. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.
09. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, “In case of emergency, notify:” – I always put “Doctor.”
11. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut and still think they are sexy.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now, I'm not so sure...
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit "the target."
15. Going to church doesn't make you a Christian any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
16. You're never too old to learn something stupid.
17. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.

How Many Passes Did You Count?

S ☺ M ☺ I ☺ L ☺ E

This is the one common thing that I've learned from observing my four favorite women...

     My grandma...

          My mom...

               My girlfriend...

                    My niece...

9/11

Alan Jackson once sang, "Where were you when the world stopped turning that September day?" Coincidentally, I was in A.P. American History class.

Class got interrupted by a kid opening our door and yelling "turn on the T.V.!" We did, and we knew right away that what was going on within the confines of that projection screen would someday be laid out within the writings of this classroom's textbooks.

But hey, we're America, one of the greatest countries out there, so we helped one another through it, and here we are now, some 13 years later, still standing strong...

Happy Patriot's Day!

Beautiful Persons

Fun Fact of the Day

When I was growing up, a small grunge band named "Mookie Blaylock" was blowing up. They blew up so much that they were eventually forced to change their name because a certain NBA basketball player for the New Jersey Nets didn't feel comfortable with them using his name. He eventually grew to appreciate their music, though, and the band even named their 1991 CD, Ten, after the baller's jersey number. That's how the legacy of Pearl Jam began. I tell you this for no other reason than I found it fascinating.