Goodbye, Kitty! Hello, Turtles!

I'm a dude who grew up playing with Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, Ghostbusters, Power Rangers, wrestling action figures and Marvel superheroes, so I never really thought I knew all that much about Hello Kitty. I believed she was a cat cartoon from Japan, and that was basically all I claimed to know.

Apparently, I knew even less than that. I knew NOTHING!

According to Sanrio, the company behind this cutesy cartoon, she is neither cat nor Japanese. They claim that she's a "little girl" from London. Well, the London part, I can buy, since I've never really heard the thing speak. However, I've never met a "little girl" with fur, cat ears and whiskers. Hell, that's the kind of thing Wes Craven or John Carpenter might throw into one of their horror movies to give us all nightmares!

At least when Disney pulled this stunt with Goofy a few years back, claiming that he wasn't a dog and leading us all down the speculative path of wondering whether he was in actuality a skinny cattle, as some Disney reps have claimed, or a fox, as other Disney reps have stated, it made some semblance of sense, since Goofy ain't really supposed to be something normal, but rather something "goofy." Hence, his name. But here, it makes absolutely no sense: the thing looks like a cat, nobody ever assumed it was anything but that, and the darn thing even has the word "Kitty" in its name.

So yeah, Sanrio might want to stop spreading that backstory ASAP. I'm not claiming to be a marketing expert or anything -- in fact, I don't think I've ever sold more than 50 units of anything in my whole entire life -- but I'm pretty sure their fanbase, with not a single Y chromosome to be found among them, much rather play with a cute little cat than some weird mutant English chick.

Now that I've gotten that out of my system, let me switch the topic of conversation from one anthropomorphic creature to a whole 'nother group of them. My guy friends, my girlfriend and I have finally decided what we're going to be for Halloween, and I'll give y'all a hint...

 

That's right, speaking of mutant cartoons, we're actually going to be repping them this Oct. 31st, as the TMNT!

Cowabunga, dudes!

Al Meets World

I grew up watching Boy Meets World on ABC's TGIF line-up every Friday night, and so when I heard that the Disney Channel is now airing a spin-off show called Girl Meets World, I just HAD to check it out. I was pleased to see that the writing of Michael Jacobs and April Kelly has kept much of its same kind of educational humor, and that the new show has kept the spirit of the old show alive. As somebody who also grew up watching Friends as part of NBC's "must see" Thursday night line-up (which was the best TV line-up ever, since it also consisted of a little show called Seinfeld) and was really letdown by its Joey spin-off, this was a very welcomed surprise, to say the least!

Not only that, but it even kept the same Friday night format as its predecessor. The only difference now is that Riley and Maya aren't exactly Hangin' with Mr. Cooper on the Disney Channel. But hey, if Mark Curry and Holly Robinson Peete are up for it, maybe they can soon be Hangin' with Mr. Cooper's Child. (Disclaimer: Disney Channel, if you choose to pursue this horrible idea, I will insist on my 10% creator's fee. LOL!)

However, what is it about both of the "Meets World" shows that I find myself relating to so much? Is it the fact that they face serious issues with a laugh, or that I know that no matter who's mad at whom, everything will again be copacetic among my favorite characters within the next half hour because everybody knows just the perfect thing to say at all the right times? I don't know what it is about the humor on those shows that so metaphorically pulls on my heart strings, but it certainly does, so now any time I need a smile, I will check my local TV listings.

It's funny because I used Boy Meets World to socially adapt to my school systems growing up, and now I'm using Girl Meets World to help me raise my niece and nephews, so that franchise has served me well through the years.

And that little pick-me-up from watching Girl Meets World certainly worked yesterday when I woke up to find both a nail and a bobby pin lodged into separate parts of my rear passenger-side tire and had to start off my day by replacing it. I mean, seriously, what are the chances of having two separate things puncture the same tire on the same day? Like 0.01 percent? I feel like I won the lottery that nobody wanted to win yesterday, so hooray for me! But on the plus side, I replaced it with its spare quickly enough that it didn't affect the rest of my day at all. I still got to work on time and everything, so all's well that ends well.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm off to find out why they call those things "bobby pins."

Happy Hump Day, everybody!

Rest In Peace, Robin Williams!

Celebrity deaths don't usually affect me all that much because I don't read tabloids, and therefore, don't ever really feel like I know any of these people on a personal level. However, for some reason, what Jon Cryer said about Robin Williams -- "we will try to carry on, but it won't be any fun without you" -- is ringing true to me right about now.

I'm not really sure what it is, but there was something about Robin Williams that made you feel like he was a genuinely sweet person, that his everyman personality wasn't just some Hollywood façade. The best way I can describe it is that he reminds me -- and probably you, too -- of that crazy uncle you look forward to seeing at family reunions, the one who always makes those forced rendezvous seem sooo much more fun.

But, in reality, we don't even know this man. It's not like mourning the loss of a true friend, but rather a hilarious and touching muse that comes and goes, since we only know the parts of him that he chose to share with the world: the space alien from the planet Ork, the Vietnam War-era DJ, the clownish doctor, the shape-shifting genie, the cross-dressed nanny (read: diehard father), presidents Ike and Teddy, the professor encouraging us to seize the day, an adult version of Peter Pan, the guy aging at four times the rate of a normal person, the mad scientist, the guy stuck in a jungle board game, the spinach-loving sailor with the oversized forearms, the boss of an ad agency, and so on, and so on.

And since that's the only way we know the man, that's the only way I can see fit to honor him. So without further ado, here are my five personal favorite roles played by Robin Williams...

5. Seymour Parrish, One Hour Photo (2002): In this movie, Robin Williams played an obsessive photo developer whose loneliness eventually goes horribly awry and turns him into a stalker. The role was so pleasantly disturbing that it made me forever view the man I used to watch imitating dolphins on nature documentaries as a child in a whole new, much-more-menacing light.

4. Armand Goldman, The Birdcage (1996): Being a longtime fan of Mr. Williams' stand-up career, I fancy myself a good judge of what would and wouldn't be fun for the man, and I can almost guarantee you that Robin must've had fun playing a gay man pretending to be a straight man opposite a cross-dressing Nathan Lane in this updated and relocated version of the musical La Cage aux Folles.

3. John Keating, Dead Poets Society (1989): This film was about an English teacher who inspires his students through his teaching of poetry at a conservative, somewhat elitist school, and I eventually became a professional journalist and published poet after earning a Bachelor's Degree in the field. Need I really go any further in explaining why this movie appealed to me so much as a child? [Insert corny cliché about me "seizing the day" here, but only if you absolutely must.]

2. Genie, Aladdin (1992): Putting aside the fact that this is my all-time favorite Disney full-length animated movie and that without it my childhood wouldn't have been as happy, I also feel like Robin Williams was born to play this role. What other comic or actor that was famous in the early '90s do you know that can so flawlessly and easily portray a character who uses something like 32 different voices throughout the film? The only ones I can think of are Robin Williams and maybe Jim Carrey.

1. Sean Maguire, Good Will Hunting (1997): I consider this movie about an unrecognized genius trying to find his way in life and essentially being guided there by Williams' Dr. Maguire character a masterpiece from beginning to end, and have long heralded and cherished it as one of my overall favorite films because it touched me on so many different emotional levels. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of watching this movie, seriously, what are you waiting for?!

Here's just a taste of what you're missing...



Honorable mentions also go out to Good Morning, Vietnam (1987) and Mrs. Doubtfire (1993), which got cut out only because I said I'd pick five, not because they weren't great films. They absolutely were. Robin Williams was definitely an amazing actor/comic, so from all of us remaining back here on Earth, thanks for the memories, you crazy uncle, you!

Finding Nada

This past weekend was my niece's fifth birthday, and I am getting a little bit old (I guess!), so there we were, two 40- and 30-year-young people, the girlfriend and I, driving around in a car after the party. Our mission: to find a good horror film to help us get out of little kid mode.

[By "good," I don't mean like the recent horror films that have blood and guts flying everywhere and things popping out at you faster than Jay-Z found his 100th problem in Solange, but rather one of those slower-moving films from the '60s or '70s that really messed with your head and left you sleeping with one eye open. Those are the kinds of horror films we like. Most of them hardly even showed blood, yet after watching them, you were afraid to shower alone ("Psycho"), babysit in a non-open concept home ("Halloween"), pick up a hitchhiker ("Texas Chain Saw Massacre"), or even put too much faith in religion ("The Exorcist"). Thrillers like those are what we were seeking.]

So we went to Redbox and started browsing to see what they had in their horror collection, but their oldest movie was from 2009 or so. We weren't looking for that, so we turned to Netflix. They had a better selection, but still, instead of Halloween, they'd have Halloween VI: The Curse of Michael Myers, and instead of Friday the 13th, they'd have Friday the 13th Part VII: The New Blood, instead of Fright Night (1985) and Carrie (1976), they'd have Fright Night (2011) and Carrie (2013), it was always some crappy remake of the classic that they had on there. We didn't want that -- we wanted the classic!

That said, what would be your next move?

I don't know if you answered correctly, but we sure as heck did not. We acted the way anybody who grew up in the '80s and '90s would act. We hopped in our car and started driving toward the nearest movie rental place. Only problem with that is... I now realize movie rental places no longer exist.

Girlfriend: You want to go where?
Me: Blockbuster.
Girlfriend: There's still a Blockbuster somewhere? I thought they went out of business.
Me: They did? Okay then, Hollywood Video.
Girlfriend: Um, honey... they also went out of business. I think.
Me: You sure?
Girlfriend: Pretty sure.
Me: I guess one of those ma-and-pa movie rental joints then, like "Lion's Video" or "Klassic Rentals" or something.
Girlfriend: I don't think they have those anymore either.
Me: So where does one rent a movie from these days then, if not Redbox?
Girlfriend: I don't know. Let's ask Siri.

Siri's so helpful, she found three movie rental places for us, one of which is now a nail salon, another of which is now a tech support center, and the last of which is -- wait for it -- an adult movie store.

Yeah, we wanted "The Exorcist," not "The Sexorcist," but thanks anyway!

This is what it's like living in the world once you're older than 20. It ain't easy, but it's always fun, almost always an adventure, and supplies you with more than enough reasons to laugh at yourself.

Happy birthday, dearest Olivia! I can't wait to see you try to "Find Nemo" in the year 2044!

With Love,

Your Soon-To-Be Hapless Uncle